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I gave my all. I protected my heart from feeling what I felt last week. It was going okay…. until you tell me your “Feelings”. Blaming me for something I didn’t do. So unfair.

I give up. I rather give up than suffer like this. Nothing can ever make me feel better if you keep doing this to me. I didn’t even do anything. I was understanding, I was not selfish….and yet….. WHAT THE FUCK DID I DO????

Fuck you and everyone you know.

This is exactly like last February. I DON WAN TO GO THROUGH THAT ANYMORE!!!!!! I RATHER BE FREE!

Everyday I clutch onto my heart so tightly, keeping it from feeling unwanted emotions. Keeping it from realizing its night time, keeping it from being lonely. Keeping it to slow the heartbeat down.

And its so tiring, all this will power. That its making me so exhausted. Atleast I could relax after next Wednesday, where I don’t have to worry bout uni anymore.

Must think positive. Nomatter what! Must! Do not ruin others time! Cannot! Must be positive! Must stay strong! Keep yourself busy! Movie! Clean house! Eat! Study? ARGH no motivation to study!

Cannot! Not tonight then! Tomorrow! For sure!!! MUST THINK POSITIVE! Let the time past, let it past fast, get motivated, keep self busy, STUDY STUDY STUDY! Will be free from uni for the rest of my life (NO MORE STUDY! I DON WAN MASTERS OR PHD OR HONOURS OR WATEVER) ONE MORE WEEK TIL I GRADUATE!!

TAHANNNNNNNNNNNNN. Ok time to smoke.

I promise you this: No matter who enters your life, I will love you more than any of them.

Indeed.

I am currently staying alone. For atleast 23 more days until my brother comes back. I would say, being alone in this house is pretty depressing. Though there is two cats here, it just seems like they’re not around.

I don’t know how to express this. Honestly, its demotivating.  I don’t feel like doing anything at all, yet I feel like I have no time for anything. I guess all I do is wait around. The anxiety from being robbed or whatever is so damn creepy. I have to say I’m very used to not being alone. Always surrounded by people. But now? And because of uni, I feel guilty to go out. I really have to pass this summer course. In just two more weeks it’ll be over. So near yet so far.

I am trying my very best to not feel lonely. Comparing with me won’t do. Others may have work everyday and come home enjoying the privacy, but me? If I have no class or work, its just depressing really. I really hope after my exam, I could go out more. Then again, money is really restricting me. I just had my first medical checkup this morning. Apparently, I have to do my pee test again because currently, theres a lil blood in it. Must be because my period is coming. Sigh. Anyhow on Tuesday, I’ll have my second appointment. But if I’ve got my period, the pee test will have to be postponed again.

Trying my very best to be sane. Trying my very best to be understanding. Trying my very best to keep it together.

I really want Greg to come back sooner.

My words are affecting you woohoo. I mind fucked you didn’t I? kekeke.

And yet you shown so much evidence of not getting the point. You’re in denial. Best of luck~ and oh, you’re welcome to keep hovering on my blog thanks for raising my stats kekekekekekkekekee

Is it that hard to understand? Is it that hard to accept the fact someone has just scolded u for ur own stupidity? Admit wrong, apologize and learn from it. Defending ur mistake will only keep u at the same level. Never grow.

What am I saying? Ok here’s my situation. It has been a year since I have left my past. But people around me may still remind me that it exists. I have managed to stop several people from being nosy n talkative, but one particular girl in my house, no matter how much u brush her off, she is still completely oblivious. Nvm. I did not tell her off because she is going through a rough patch. I can tolerate it. But..

A certain someone whom I loveD so much, has actually shown her stupidity. At first, I never assumed anything. I went right to her and asked her why she did wat she did. Guess wats her answer? ” Oh just want to know wat he say bout you “. Please tell me, childish? Do I give a FUCK what he thinks? No. Unlike u, I dun give a fuck whether my ex just went to shit or if he thinks I’m shit. I DON’T CARE. And this oblivious bitch just got offended when I said she didn’t have to do that, don’t be childish and I don care wat he thinks. N now? She happily meets up with him. I cannot love her the way I have if she is going to be another person going to talk bout my ex when I don give a FUCK.

So grow up, admit ur mistakes, and fuck off from my life. Traitor.

I had my IELTs exam last October. And next Friday, I’ll be going for my medical checkup. Two hundred and fucking sixty two dollars. Man, I could have used that money to dye my black roots. LOL. Kidding. I am not that… concern. As a matter of fact, since this TR crap, I haven’t the time to look after myself. Feels like as if I am actually plain. Plain is fine, but a lil lift in confidence in terms of looks would be nice, though that would require the help of products lol.

I have to admit. Applying for TR has really got me in a tight situation. Its not that I don’t have money at all, but I have to think 3 times to buy or not. To save that $1 or not. =.= Well, I still have $300 plus and $200 plus to go. The rest would be the agent fees. Which I will be paying in installments. Indeed I work and earn pretty decently, but its just part time, not related to my course, but thats not the point. I do earn decently, but because I still have other commitments. Like phone bills, rent, utility bills and er.. personal stuff? =.= Man.. $xhundred every fortnight is so not enough at this rate. =.=

I think after my studies, after the TR is launched, I’ll look for jobs. Two kinds. One, related to my course, another, just for extra pocket money? Actually maybe not. Argh we’ll see.

One of my lecturers told us, that she understands its hard to look for job after graduating, because companies are looking for experienced people, but being fresh graduates, where the fuck do you get experience if no one would even accept you? The answer is.. you have to sell yourself well. VERY well. That might be a small challenge for me. I am pretty low in confidence, hence, presenting myself, I might just appear timid. Well.. I think I’ll judge myself again this coming Monday and Thursday. I have a presentation for Sales Management. Monday, we finally got an interview! My groupmate works at the Perth Convention Centre and his Manager agreed to let us interview him! Hoorah! I’ve always wanted to work there. I don’t know why. Even if they are not the ones hosting events, but they let events managers host their events there. I like that. Its still coordinating. I mean, I would like to lead a team to decorate the stage and etc according to the client’s preference. So, during that interview, I have to sell myself O_O. And then Thursday itself, during presentation.

Just a little note to myself.. 21st Jan, a super good news was delivered to me. And I will forever remember this date!!! weeee. ^^